Mom Rant 101
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "gailmom2" journal:
[<< Previous 10 entries]
Tomorrow we fly|
Tomorrow morning at crack of before dawn we leave for the airport. home to tx and no more internet connection...*sigh*
but: planning on spending the next 3 yrs fixing my credit and saving money and hopefully at the end of that we will buy a house on a slab with enough land for a horse. and a cable connection. that is the dream.
meanwhile....my son is PISSED OFF about weaning, and my daughter bursts into tears at the mention of no more breast milk...it is her favorite food, she says, because it is the color of the sunlight in the morning. Sometimes I really hate the compromises my disablities make me commit to.
Goddess, into your hands I commend my family. Carry them gently and deliver them safely, for they are my world. If it be your will that we join you this day, let me be a Mother unto the end, that they may join you in peace, and not in fear. Your will be done. Blessed be.
Current Location: CO
Current Mood: drained
My girl rocks|
Sitting at the dinner table last night with my mom, dad, daughter and son....Everyone is finished except my boy, who is still munching fruit and guzzling water (probably to deal with the salt from the excessive amounts of sausage he ingested). My sweet impatient fidget of a daughter wants to know if we will leave the table soon...yes, probably, I reply since staying here longer than soon would be boring...no, my father replies, we could discuss cosmology and the source of the universe..you could, i reply, but not the rest of us...yes, I can! says my smart, don't try to hold me back with your self imposed claim to ignorance, girl...so, says my dad, where DID the universe come from...she smiles at him, looks thoughtful, and then replies, "I believe it came from the woods"....well, dad replies, i certainly can't prove you wrong!
Don't know who I am prouder of...Dad, or his grandaughter. :)
Current Location: Colorado
Current Mood: content
A quick update|
Why do I never have more time...at least I got some backlogged reading done...
Had a great wonderful talk with Rufuzzy last week. I love talking with him. Always have.
Had a massage from Robert. It was nice for my legs but did not much for back and neck, may be my fault as I was distracted with socializing, or Thai massage may not be my thing. I know it isn't lack of talent cuz that boys hands made me want to bear his children when he worked on me in Dallas.
It is hot and I am miserable. Seem to have lost all my heat tolerance with this last pregnancy. blah.
Just as wonderful was a chance to snuggle with the lovely Andrea. Mmm...yummy.
Definetely it is snuggles I need more of.
My daughters cat has started peeing on the couch in addition to peeing on the dirty laundry. grrr. Not sure what to do, anyone know of diapers for cats? *grin*
Heard from a teen who may want the job helping with the kids....fingers crossed.
Have yet another new case worker, but haven't met him yet, since I bummed out of our appt on thursday and haven't had the energy to call him back and reschedule.
Bill gave me a compliment yesterday, saying that he is very impressed at how well I hide my depression from the kids. Which is nice, but also means I guess that I am not hiding it from him well.
Baby calling. *sigh* back to the grind.
I sometimes miss the freedom of life pre-kid, then I feel like I should cut out that part of my brain for fear that thoughts like that will bring some sort of disaster.
Love to all, it helps to know you are all out there, even when I can't see you or read about your lives.
Current Mood: creative
Too much to write with a whiny baby on my lap, well, ok, whiny preschooler. Maybe next week. Tired, overwhelmed, and I have several times this week used physical force on my daughter, so I pretty much think I SUCK right now.
Current Mood: angry
I feel like I am flying apart...or falling into myself. Don't know which. And I don't know if I like it or not. Why did it never occur to me before that putting the symbol for mercury on my neck might NOT be a good contribution to my life to come? Or maybe it would have been crazy anyway and that had nothing to do with it.....
I can't get ahold of rissa and I don't know what to do with myself...go home and paint? get a much deserved pedicure? go see a movie? My MIL has the kids this afternoon so I ought to do SOMETHING I can't do when they are around...
I think I am going to try to hire some help, if I can get either rissa or my parents to donate toward the cause. I can't stay off meds much longer without help around the house with the kids at least a couple days a week. And by my calculations I could save 1/2 the cost just by NOT going into town on those days to get us all out of the house. So I just have to come up with the other half. Their dad will donate $25 a week, so I just need $20 more every week and I can hire someone to come in 5 hours a day, 3 days a week, for $7 an hour (which seems reasonable since it it supervised babysitting I am asking for).
Also I have a new project...working on myself in the 10 minutes a day I get to myself....so here it is...my confession and my request...
I confess I am a Messie. It isn't my messy kids or my messy husband, that my house is to big or that I have no time. My house is a mess because I allow it to be. So I need to work on me. There, I said it.
Second part, I need to write down all the things people think are great about me so that I can tell those things to myself when I start berating me about how I can't keep a clean house, or get my son to sleep etc etc. So....since I never listen to the good stuff, if any of you out there like anything about me....could you tell me again so I can put it on my list? :)
Current Mood: busy
Where are the moderate moms?|
Why can I only find moms that believe in picking a party line and running it to extremes? Am I just incapable of sticking with a belief system? Or am I the only mom out there that thinks it is ok to pick and choose? Seems like I keep finding fundies or flaky pagan moms and nothing in the middle. Why am I the only one who thinks that breastfeeding can go on till the baby weans himself...but that it is ok if circumstances don't permit that to wean when you have to. That one should not spank...most of the time. That baby should sleep with his family...but at some point should be taught to sleep without mom around. What is up with everyone picking a book and taking it as their mommy gospel, and then thinking everyone who doesn't do all their stuff is wrong? I long for mommy friends, but I am beginning to despair.
Current Mood: cynical
Ok, last one really, I promise. :) (now you are all secretly glad I don't have an internet connection at home, aren't you? Admit it, you are, aren't you?)
|You Are An Apple Tree|
You are quiet and shy at times, but you have lots of charm and appeal.
You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in.
Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved.
You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents.
You love children, and you need an affectionate partner.
Goal for the day: Fill other people's friends page with ME ME ME ME ME...all while the kids are both napping at grandma's, which never ever happens, so who knows when I will get a chance at another entry again.... *grin*
|You Are An ISFJ|
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.
Current Mood: silly
nipple biting and declutter progress|
My son has taken to biting my nipples. HARD. It is SO not sexy. Just one more thing that will no longer float my boat :) I don't understand why he and I are having such a difficult time with this...with my daughter, she bit me once, I shouted "ouch, no biting" took her off the breast and set her on the floor, she never did it again. But this is NOT working on him. He just goes off and does something else, then, when I am not expecting it cuz he has nursed a time or two with no trouble, BAM, back to biting. HARD. And it hurts. I understand why so many women wean when the kiddos get teeth. But I don't want to do that because of allergy issues (plus he doesn't take a bottle well, so weaning could be a good way to starve him, or at least a traumatic process to force him to take a bottle). My MIL isn't helping either, every time she is around when I go through the "ow, no bite!" ritual, she says, "give that boy a bottle and let him bite all he wants". Helpful, really. :(
On a lighter note, (unless you think that was funny, in which case it is just a less interesting note) I am making progress on the house. Not much of course, but some. Took a load to Abigail's Attic (local children's consignment store) and a load to the Thrift Store today. Plus I have about 2 pickup truck loads to do this weekend and next weekend. I'll get this house manageable yet.
Oh, and I finally have my ear-holes refilled...lost two rings to various kid-related incidents, but after my shrink-a-dink appt yesterday (which was way intense) I was child free so stopped by Rissa's workplace to get new rings. Treated myself to a purple and a rainbow one. :) Happy.
Current Mood: busy
note to self|
Frustration of no internet continues....this sucks. I NEED to be able to write when I have the issue fresh in my head, not a week or so later with my MIL looking over my shoulder and my kids whining and climbing in my lap. Oh, well, for now I will make a short list and come back later when I have time. (HA)
entries to make when next I have time:
nipple biting (not the good kind)
out-ed to mom
out-ed to shrink
progress on declutter
Current Mood: aggravated
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