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flying apart - Mom Rant 101
August 10th, 2006
01:11 pm


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flying apart
I feel like I am flying apart...or falling into myself. Don't know which. And I don't know if I like it or not. Why did it never occur to me before that putting the symbol for mercury on my neck might NOT be a good contribution to my life to come? Or maybe it would have been crazy anyway and that had nothing to do with it.....
I can't get ahold of rissa and I don't know what to do with myself...go home and paint? get a much deserved pedicure? go see a movie? My MIL has the kids this afternoon so I ought to do SOMETHING I can't do when they are around...
I think I am going to try to hire some help, if I can get either rissa or my parents to donate toward the cause. I can't stay off meds much longer without help around the house with the kids at least a couple days a week. And by my calculations I could save 1/2 the cost just by NOT going into town on those days to get us all out of the house. So I just have to come up with the other half. Their dad will donate $25 a week, so I just need $20 more every week and I can hire someone to come in 5 hours a day, 3 days a week, for $7 an hour (which seems reasonable since it it supervised babysitting I am asking for).
Also I have a new project...working on myself in the 10 minutes a day I get to myself....so here it is...my confession and my request...
I confess I am a Messie. It isn't my messy kids or my messy husband, that my house is to big or that I have no time. My house is a mess because I allow it to be. So I need to work on me. There, I said it.
Second part, I need to write down all the things people think are great about me so that I can tell those things to myself when I start berating me about how I can't keep a clean house, or get my son to sleep etc etc. So....since I never listen to the good stuff, if any of you out there like anything about me....could you tell me again so I can put it on my list? :)

Current Mood: busybusy

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:August 13th, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
Things that I like about you...

you're pretty.
you're strong, really really strong, 'cause you gave birth. TWICE.
you're brave. both for having kids in general, and for actually thinking about doing single parenthood.
you're smart. 'nuff said.
you like animals.
you're compassionate.
you're working on yourself, to heal and grow.
you're better now than you were yesterday.
you're cute.
you have a really adorable nose.
you're self-aware.
you make an effort.
and, uh, I just like you, cause you're you.

[User Picture]
Date:August 23rd, 2006 03:19 pm (UTC)
Forgot to come back and respond to this (I blame sleep).

There's too much good stuff to list, over the years I've known you. But things that come up repeatedly when I talk about you...

You are doing an EXCELLENT job of parenting, by my standards, regardless of any daily "weaknesses".

You are one of the strongest people I've ever known.

Even with all your stresses and insanity, you're the healthiest in attitude since I've known you. The signs are there for future good growth too!

You maintain an overall level of physical health (most of the time) that is better than most people, even though we all always have room for improvement there. :)

You are doing a superb job at purging, finding new levels to challenge yourself.

You have always had a good mindfulness of your environmental impact, even if your actions on that fluctuate with energy and support/lack thereof from others around you.

You are the only bipolar person I've yet met to create and continue to create and try out coping mechanisms for your illness while not on meds. You have one of the healthiest attitudes toward taking meds that I've met in a bipolar person, as well.

I have always found you beautiful.

You are loved and worth loving.
Date:October 14th, 2007 07:53 am (UTC)
you're beautiful, which is holy
you're hot, which is a different creature and added bonus
you're a lovely mommy
you're generous
you're talented
you write well
you think well
you achieve despite physical/emotional complications
you're fearless, regardless of what you tell yourself
you haven't given up on me (you knew i'd make it about me eventually)
you have cool babies
you extend beyond your origins (dig it?)
the mentioned compassion is very important
you're sweet in that lovely Southern way
you keep me from indiscriminately slaughtering masses of white people

you love well and honestly
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