Mom Rant 101
Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "gailmom2" journal:
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Headed for home|
Today we head home. Packing and doing a last Alex nap as we speak then off to the airport. I hate travel. Don't mind being there and USUALLY don't mind getting home. But the traveling part was never fun and now with two kids it is even more exhausting and hectic. Oh well.
On a lighter note, my daughter was in the bathroom while I showered today (must remember to get a clear shower curtain, much easier than continually poking my head out to assure her I still exist) and climbed up on the counter when I finished to "wipe the gloomies off the mirror". ISn't that CUTE! :)
Alex has used this time of open spaces and carpeted floors to advance like crazy...he now crawls REALLY quickly, pulls up and can corner on the tables (couldn't corner before we left) and has learned (a little bit) to go from one surface to another. Also gets back down easily, couldn't do that when we left...and thinks that ham and salmon are about the best foods ever! Plus he now has his two bottom teeth. Watch out world! I plan to declutter like crazy when I get home and pick up a cheap area rug for him so his sweaty feet don't slow him down. That way he can use it and I can just throw it away when he is done, by which time it should be pretty nasty! :P
Ok, enough stalling, time to go finish packing cuz we gotta leave pretty much when Alex wakes up (unless my Aunt's dog keeps barking at nothing, in which case we will leave at 9ish and he should wake up any minute!).
Won't hear from me for a few days but then I will be back in Texas.
Current Mood: busy
So...I mentioned my mom has been watching the kids most of today, with my help off and on for feeding and putting to bed and the occasional "only mom will do" discipline. She walks in (it is 4:30pm) and leans against me and says (keep in mind this is someone who was a stay at home mom to myself and my brother 3 and 1/2 yrs younger than myself) "How do you do this by yourself every day? You're not crazy, it is a miracle you're alive! It's a miracle they are alive!"
Made me feel good. :)
Current Mood: amused
Well, that didn't help|
Since I am pretty sure it was influenced by my "south" preference at the end this wasn't very informative. But hey, at least both my choices were pretty much on there. So I guess it didn't hurt even if it didn't much help! :P
|American Cities That Best Fit You::|
|55% Washington, DC|
Current Mood: amused
I feel so conflicted --as indicated in subject line :)
I always feel so much pressure to plan to move to Colorado in a few years instead of Austin--like---every time I see my parents/family. On the one hand Colorado is where my parents are and they adore my kids, plus it would be way better for the kids allergies and they might actually, I don't know, GROW there. On the other hand, I have (it appears) a better chance of having land for a horse etc in Austin, plus there is the support network already there (Rissa, Kit, Andrea and whoever else), which I am (let's admit this) CRAPPY at finding for myself.
And now there is the new factor...in 3 yrs my Aunt will retire and they will have to move Papa somewhere....if the kids and I are in CO with my folks it could be there (he has rallied and it looks like he is going to hang around for a while--how much of that was my kids coming to see him?).
I wish my support could move to CO or my folks to Austin. But I doubt either will happen cuz this feels like one of those BIG DECISION things, the ones that shape your life. I have only had a few and I am about 50/50 so far (in my own humble and fairly uninformed opinion) so I want to get this right...and while 2 years USED to sound like a lot of time to make a decision as the mother of young kids I can assure you IT IS NOT.
So, off to research a bit in the 10 minutes left of Carolyn's rest time cuz it may be all I get for a while since I CANNOT research this stuff at my MIL's house!
Missing you all, but definetely enjoying the whole breast fetish my friend's page has had the last few days! *GRIN*SLOBBER*
Current Location: NC
Current Mood: distressed
here we go...|
Today is the day. Off to do the travel thing. Bill and I were up way later than I intended last night talking seperation talk, and then Alex woke up at 330am and refused to go back to sleep. Once he started climbing on his sister at 4am I got out of bed with him and went to the living room. Watched a movie (first time in a while) with some really pretty women in it, cuz what I need to be is horny before I travel with the kids right? There will be so much time for self pleasure in the next 8 days....with two hyper kids...with my mom in the next room....in my grandparents houses...well, that took care of it! :) (actually it never came to be, I am too tired...but I can IMAGINE I am rested enough to get horny and maybe some day it will happen-the power of positive thinking?)
Carolyn is wired. At 8am she was ready to go! Had her lovies packed in her backpack and her backpack on her naked body and was jumping around yelling "I want to go NOW". Explaining the plane wasn't at the airport yet didn't stop her..."that is no problem for me" is a direct quote. So we compromised by coming to my MIL's house for a few hours. She has had a bath and is coming down off the initial high of "today's the day" now and starting to get whiny, this will be so much fun! HAHAHAHAHA
Anyway, no idea if I am going to have internet access while I am gone. Hope so cuz I am already getting used to having a place to write stuff. And it is cooler than a notebook cuz I feel like I am talking to friends instead of just me.
I love you guys.
Current Mood: indifferent
trip coming up|
We leave thursday. Bill stays here while the kids and I get on a plane, fly to Dallas, meet my mom at the airport (you didn't think I was stupid enough to do the WHOLE trip with a 7 month old and a 3 yr old ALONE did you?!?) and fly to North Carolina. There to see my grandfather and aunt kim, probably get to see my dad and brother as well, then drive 2 hours to another part of NC to see my grandmother and possibly several of her sisters. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family. I do. But that is an awful lot of socializing in strange places while being the only one REALLY in charge of 2 small children 24/7 for 11 days. I am petrified. Panicked out of my gourd. And now it looks like Carolyn may be getting sick (pray it was just something she ate so she will get over it and not give it to Alex and me) cuz we CAN'T cancel. Carolyn has been asking to see her Papa since xmas. We couldn't travel then cuz Alex was born the 19th, and we were planning to see him this xmas, but it doesn't look like he is going to make it. In fact, there has been some question as to whether he would make it till our visit. He has faded and bounced back before, so there isn't any reason to be sure we are about to lose him or anything, but scary enough prospect to have to explain THAT to her that even though I want to, oh so desperately want to, I won't cancel. But I feel crappy about the whole thing. Partly cuz I hate travel. But mostly cuz I don't want to see Papa like this. How selfish is that????!!!! And for weeks now I have been feeling conflicted. I don't want to lose him cuz I love him and Carolyn loves him, but mostly cuz I am scared to have to explain to her why we won't ever see "her Papa" again. Which makes me feel like a cad. Cuz Papa has, quite frankly, not wanted to be here since Grandma died, over 10 years ago, and up until Carolyn was old enough to remember him I would have felt mostly happy if he finally felt he could let go and be with her. So I KNOW it is purely selfish for me to want him to hang around now just so I don't have to explain to my 3 yr old that people she knows can die. And it sucks to know I have that far to go spiritually before I can be the kind of person I want to be.
Current Mood: anxious
Duh....sleep may be on the horizon|
Well. I may be feeling stupid, but...
My son slept faily well, after taking a while to fall asleep last night, and I have been trying to figure out what we did differently...Yesterday (and the day before) were the first time in a while I haven't had any caffeine. Boy am I gonna feel dumb if that was the problem. So no caffeine today and we will see how it goes.
On another note my daughter has discovered the joy of cold water when you come inside all hot and sweaty. Had the baby in the back carrier yesterday and Carolyn running around the yard (digging, chasing the dog, and whining about the misquitos) for about 20 minutes while I mowed the front yard (our new reel mower cuts through bermuda grass beautifully-but doesn't like sticks or monkey grass--so guess who is going to seed the whole thing with bermuda this fall) and when we came in she had some water I had put in the fridge. Then I stopped the run on sentence. She is addicted now. :) This after spending the winter complaining that our water was too cold! (mobile home, no skirting, no central air, do the math)
Current Mood: dorky
Personality quiz "keys to my heart"|
|The Keys to Your Heart|
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
Current Mood: amused
Baby won't sleep|
I am exhausted. In a not-safe-to-drive, explode-over-every-little-thing, someone-shoot-me-with-a-stun-dart, falling-asleep-sitting-up kind of way. My 6 1/2 month old baby will not learn to sleep by himself! But he has also decided not to sleep every time I put a nipple in his mouth anymore. Which means that to protect the sleep of my 3 yr old daughter I spend half the night shuttling between the bed and the couch. Hubby is doing his part, sometimes HE sleeps on the couch and shuttles the baby back and forth. But it isn't working for us and I don't know what else to do. We only have one useable bedroom in our home right now and no place to let him cry it out while he learns to put himself to sleep. So he is exhausted. I am worn down to a nub, and his dad is so tired his sentences don't make sense anymore...or maybe I just can't make sense of them. To make it worse, in less than a week my kids and I are scheduled to travel, sans dad, to visit great grandparents. Am I more afraid of the judgements that will be leveled against me for not being able to get my kids to sleep (I know co-sleeping and my "permissive" attachment parenting ideals will be blamed--and right now I am not sure they aren't the problem) or for the fact that I won't sleep for a week cuz there won't be anyone to spell me with him and let me get an hour or two of sleep? *sigh* I am out of ideas and I want to give up but panic keeps bringing me back to tears and a desperate search for an answer.
Current Location: MIL's
Current Mood: exhausted
Revelation on cleaning|
Ah, finally I realize I am not lazy (at least not on this issue) and not incompetent. I thought, what with the mess, that I had lost what skills I had. Don't I remember correctly that my home was clean? peaceful? that folks wanted to sit right down and stay for hours?? why then now do they flee, never come in? never sit? How did the chairs get covered and the floor sticky? why can't I find anything? Because, apparently, I never had the variable of children...or a husband, but we won't go there in this rant. Haven't time anyway since my background music now is "mommy, look at me! no hands! look at me spin!" ad nauseum.
There I was, cleaning the home of a friend for a surprise on her return. It went well, got all the nooks and crannies I was taught to remember. Put away all the cleaning stuff...did it all and did it well in a few hours...turns out I DO remember how it is done. Just don't know how to do it with a toddler underfood, a baby in my arms, and 4 peoples "stuff" all around! So I have new skills to learns. To care for a family home with any kind of competence. But oh, what a relief! It isn't that I am suddenly struck stupid on the cleaning front, just that I need a whole new set of abilities to get this right. Must learn all over again how to clean. And oh, I have too much stuff. Like a recently pregnant woman who looks in the mirror and thinks "well, still have 20 pounds to go, but I look great!" I was fooling myself through progress. With MOST of the weight gone (so very much of the clutter cleared) the improvement is so great as to fool the unwary into thinking that the job is done. But the last pounds, the hard pounds (the sorting of the clutter that I DO like, that I DO use) is the most important of all. The ones that make a difference between looking good and looking GREAT.
SO here I go, off on the sorting journey through my home again. I cleared all those items I didn't use, all those I didn't like. That was easy really once I started (starting is always the hard part). Now I have to do the really challenging part of it. (unless you count finding time without child emergencies *grin*) Sorting through the things I DO like, but don't NEED. The things I DO use, but COULD do without. But at least I know it isn't my fault! (well, not in the way I was thinking)
Current Mood: relieved
Tags: cleaning, parenting
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